When Closeness Feels Far Away

 

I didn't expect the space between us to grow so quietly. 

It didn't show up all at once. It crept in somewhere between midnight feedings, laundry piles. and trying to remember the last time I showered without a baby monitor humming in the background. I still see him across the room—my husband, my teammate. the man I built this life with—but lately, I feel like we're living next to each other, not with each other. 

And the truth is, I miss him.
I miss us. 

Marriage after motherhood is an emotional plot twist no one fully prepares you for. There's so much beauty in watching your partner become a parent and yet—there's also this strange ache when your relationship starts to feel like the background music instead of the main melody. 

We're tired.
We touched out.
We're constantly needed by someone else. 

And somewhere in the blur of bottles and baby giggles, I forget how to reach for his hand first. Or maybe I just assumed he'd understand. That he'd know this version of me—this mama me—still wants him just as deeply and the woman who walked down the aisle. 

But sometimes he doesn't know.
Sometimes I don't either. 

So I'm naming it here, in case you need to hear it too:
You're not alone if your marriage feels distant after becoming parents. 

You're not broken.
You're not failing.
You're not the only one lying in bed, two feet away, feelings miles apart. 

This is the part of marriage that takes fierce intentionality. Not grand gestures, but gentle ones. Like saying "I miss you" even if it feels awkward. Like asking for a real hug, not just the half-side ones you pass each other in the kitchen. Like planning a moment to laugh—even if the baby cries halfway through. 

I don't have a perfect fix.
But I do have hope. 

Because love can stretch.
It can evolve.
It can be rebuilt—not from scratch, but from the foundation that's already survived so much. 

So, tonight, maybe I'll sit beside him.
Not because I have the words, but because I still believe in us.
And maybe—just maybe—he'll scoot a little closer too.